


nightmares about losing you

by andromedagalaxy



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 11:46:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10696365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andromedagalaxy/pseuds/andromedagalaxy
Summary: Lukas laughs a little, but his heart is still raging with the horror of what he’d seen. “Let’s lay down for a second here,” he says, tugging on Philip’s arm. Philip still has a book in his lap and he puts it at the bottom of the bed, letting Lukas pull him down. Lukas wants to touch him all over, wants to press his ear to Philip’s chest and listen to his heart beat. But instead he slides up as close to him as he can, wrapping his arms around his waist.“What was that about?” Philip asks, softly. “Didn’t sound good.”“This has been happening a lot since—” Lukas says, and he shakes his head. “You know.”Philip makes a face, narrowing his eyes. “And you haven’t been telling me?”





	nightmares about losing you

Lukas has never seen this much blood. His hands are shaking and he can’t breathe and God, no—Philip, Philip, Philip—

He shoots up in bed with a gasp, his hand over his heart. His eyes are straining and filled with tears, and before he knows it familiar hands are smoothing over his shoulder and his back. The room is still sunny and Philip converges on him, pulling him close.

Lukas realizes he’s still in Philip’s bedroom.

“Lukas,” Philip whispers, turning his face gently so they’re facing each other. “You’re okay, you’re okay.”

Lukas feels like the dream still has its claws in him and he draws in a few wavering breaths, leaning forward and resting his forehead against Philip’s. “Jesus Christ,” he whispers, trying to level out. 

“I’ve got you, you’re fine,” Philip says, rubbing his back, tracking his thumb across his cheek.

“How—how long was I asleep?” Lukas asks. 

“Like an hour and a half,” Philip says. “You just fell straight down onto your math book and I thought that was a sign to let you sleep.” He brushes some of Lukas’s hair out of his eyes. 

“God,” Lukas says, pinching the bridge of his nose as he pulls back a little bit. “I didn’t know I was that tired. What time is it?”

“It’s six,” Philip says, rubbing the back of his neck. “Helen and Gabe are making dinner. Well, Gabe is making dinner and Helen is…supporting him.”

Lukas laughs a little, but his heart is still raging with the horror of what he’d seen. “Let’s lay down for a second here,” he says, tugging on Philip’s arm. Philip still has a book in his lap and he puts it at the bottom of the bed, letting Lukas pull him down. Lukas wants to touch him all over, wants to press his ear to Philip’s chest and listen to his heart beat. But instead he slides up as close to him as he can, wrapping his arms around his waist. 

“What was that about?” Philip asks, softly. “Didn’t sound good.”

“This has been happening a lot since—” Lukas says, and he shakes his head. “You know.”

Philip makes a face, narrowing his eyes. “And you haven’t been telling me?”

“I didn’t want to bother you,” Lukas says, shrugging a little bit. “You’re going through enough as it is.” It’s been three months since it all happened, and Philip has been getting better. Little by little, but it’s such a big difference than the deep depression that the first month or so held that Lukas hasn’t wanted to jinx it. But his nightmares have been consistent since the first couple of nights after it all happened, and it usually doesn’t happen when he and Philip are together.

“Lukas,” Philip says, taking his face in his hands. “Please talk to me about this stuff. I wanna help you. It isn’t all about me, you went through something awful too.”

Lukas nods, and keeps staring at Philip. He always wants to see him like this. Close and intimate, and so vibrantly alive. 

“What are they about?” Philip asks, soft, like it might be a secret.

Lukas sighs, moving in a little bit and nuzzling their noses together. “My nightmares are usually about losing you.”

Philip is silent for a moment or two and Lukas watches his face change. “Really?”

“Almost always,” Lukas says. “This one, uh—I don’t know, that asshole had you and he, uh—” He falls into a flash of it, of the knife sliding across Philip’s neck, the look of pain and terror on his face as he bled out. “He, uh—” Lukas was holding him as he died, as the life left his eyes, and he’s had to watch him die so many times since it all happened, and the weight of all his failures threatens to crush him. He feels a little dizzy.

Philip presses his fingers to Lukas’s mouth and shakes his head. “You don’t have to say it,” he says, dragging his thumb along the swell of Lukas’s bottom lip. “I’m okay. I’m alive. We’re here, together. We made it.”

“Yeah,” Lukas says, swallowing hard.

Philip leans in and kisses him. Lukas tries to live here, with the softness of his lips, the way he hums, his tongue darting out and dipping into Lukas’s mouth. “Dream of this,” Philip whispers, kissing him again, his fingers carding through Lukas’s hair.

Lukas groans a little bit, his eyebrows knitting together.

“Dream of the way you feel when I’m underneath you,” Philip whispers, and then Lukas is thinking of that, all the times they’ve been together now. Nine times they’ve gone all the way, and he won’t ever admit he’s been counting. He wishes it was more. He wishes they got more legitimate time alone together, without an adult looming somewhere close. But any form of sex with Philip is fucking ethereal—how he breathes harsh through his mouth, the way he squeezes his eyes shut, the agonizing noises he makes. How gorgeous he looks when he’s in control, when he’s wringing sounds out of Lukas that Lukas didn’t ever think he’d hear himself make. They know just how to take each other apart and build each other back up again. 

“Dream of that time at the ice cream place last month,” Philip says, and Lukas laughs then, splaying his palm against the small of Philip’s back and drawing him closer.

“You were so cute,” Lukas says, grinning. “Blue smurf ice cream.”

Philip smiles too. “Dream of gallons of that stuff,” he says. “Like, so much that we’d never be able to finish it.”

“I’m gonna dream of you in New York City,” Lukas whispers, nipping at Philip’s bottom lip. “You playing those arcade games—”

“I’m way better than what you saw,” Philip says, resting his hand on Lukas’s chest. “I was having an off night.”

“You were so cute and mad,” Lukas says, and he can’t take it, has to kiss him again. He can never believe how they fit together, how every bit of him feels like he’s on fire when they kiss, how his stomach twists and his toes curl and the whole world feels like stars, like there’s a calm he’s fallen into, a love he could drown in. 

“Please tell me when you have nightmares,” Philip whispers against his mouth. “Always, but especially if they’re about me.”

“Okay,” Lukas says, nodding. He traces his hand down Philip’s neck and presses two fingers to his pulse point, focusing in on it. 

“If we’re not together you can call or text,” Philip says. “Whatever you want. I don’t care if I’m asleep. I’ll wake up.”

“Okay,” Lukas says again. He sighs, sliding his hand up and down Philip’s back. “I can’t wait til we can sleep in the same bed all the time.” He knows the nightmares would fall to the wayside if he always had Philip with him, if they could curl together at night and fall asleep in each other’s arms.

“Me too,” Philip says.

Lukas always thinks about their future, and even though the nightmares try to tell him there isn’t one, that it was cut down preemptively, he knows they’re just wisps of a life that didn’t come to pass. He’s got Philip, they’ve got each other, and he tightens his hold on him. “You’re amazing,” he whispers, tilting his head so he can look at him better. “I never wanna let you go.”

Philip’s lips curl into a beautiful smile. “You don’t have to. I don’t want you to.”

“Good,” Lukas says, and moves in to kiss him again.


End file.
